I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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