let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
