i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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