I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
