Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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