sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
