Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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