I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
