She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize