My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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