puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
