Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
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He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
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I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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