toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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