She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
