you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
