you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
