We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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