Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
