Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
