So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Acid is not a monday night drug
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
