Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
