Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
