so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
