An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
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I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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