Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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