Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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