I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
