I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
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i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
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they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza