I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(