Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.