I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
