I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I forget how to act sober
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
