fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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