I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
