The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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