Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
