FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
