We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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