the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
