Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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