Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
