At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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