just come out here and I will go home with you...
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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