I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
