I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
