where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
