he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
