Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
