forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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