So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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