I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
