singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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