Please, let me fuck your mom
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
