Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
