Pregnant stripper...not hot.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
