If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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