I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
