I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
