when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
