he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
