I need to stop coming to work sober
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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