Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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