Sorry, I don't speak sober.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Randomize
