Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
