I wish I could punch you in the face.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
