Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
