it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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