I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
