Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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