Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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