Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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