Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
