I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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